...when i get home from work at 2:50 in the morning, or later, (or is it earlier?) i wish for nothing more than four (4) fried eggs, some corned beef hash, two (2) pieces of wheat bread toast with grape jelly and a tall glass of cold orange juice.
more often than not, my hopes and dreams for a wonderful early breakfast are thrown into the recycling bin like the empty cans of Mountain Dew that reside there.
excuse me...the empty cans of Mountain Dew WHICH reside there. i've been instructed, much to my dismay, one shouldn't use the word "that" in any sentence. there are more powerful, more meaningful words than the word "that" which can be used.
anyway, those great breakfast hopes are deleted from my day for one reason, and one reason only...i'm tired as fuck when i get home and want to do one fo two things when i get here: (1) sleep and (2) shower and sleep.
tonight is a shower and sleep night. talk to ya later.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
In the Wrong
For 32-years, I've felt it unacceptable to laugh at the emotions of others. For 32-years, I've stood up and protected the people whose emotions were being laughed at by the douche bags who were laughing. For 32-years, I felt this to be a strong quality of myself.
Last night, those 32-years all slipped away.
I had no reason for the smiles on my face or the jokes spilled from my mouth. But they presented themselves for all to see and hear, if those people knew what my smiles and jokes were about or not.
After I said my jokes and grinned my smiles, I thought about what I was doing. And when I realized what it was, it all stopped.
I've been in the same place as the person who I was making jokes about and smiling over. I've had to accept the fact of loss each time something/someone I cared for, loved or craved was going to be removed, or was removing themselves, from my life. I've told myself each time it was going to be easier than I knew it was actually going to be and each time I've found myself to be a liar.
That's what I was laughing, smiling and joking about...the pain inside somebody else.
Bastard.
Last night, those 32-years all slipped away.
I had no reason for the smiles on my face or the jokes spilled from my mouth. But they presented themselves for all to see and hear, if those people knew what my smiles and jokes were about or not.
After I said my jokes and grinned my smiles, I thought about what I was doing. And when I realized what it was, it all stopped.
I've been in the same place as the person who I was making jokes about and smiling over. I've had to accept the fact of loss each time something/someone I cared for, loved or craved was going to be removed, or was removing themselves, from my life. I've told myself each time it was going to be easier than I knew it was actually going to be and each time I've found myself to be a liar.
That's what I was laughing, smiling and joking about...the pain inside somebody else.
Bastard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)