My New Favorite Sports Reporter

Sarah Spain was born August 18, 19?? (my guess is 1980, since she graduate high school in '98. Unless she was quick smart and graduated early, which might make her born in '81, which might make her 29. I really don't think she was held back a grade because of her college GPA, but we'll get to that later) in Cleveland, Ohio and raised in Lake Forest, Illinois. She is a graduate from Cornell with a degree in English. Hope you weren't thinking she was all body and no brains 'cause she grabbed her diploma with a GPA of 3.8. She is also a giant fan of the Cubs and Bears. Brains, beauty and a loyalty to Chicago sports? She may possibly be the perfect woman.

Sarah caused a stir a few years back when she tried to auction herself off on eBay to a lucky bloke who spent enough cash to take her to the Super Bowl to watch her beloved Chicago Bears play the Colts. Before eBay pulled the auction off its site, even though Sarah clearly stated "I am not an escort. I am just offering my companionship in exchange for a ticket to the biggest game of the year", she received bids up to $20,000.

She moved on from that episode to a career as a movie actress with roles in Souvenir, La La Land, That Ying Yang Thing and The Playbook.  She's an accomplished writer (love her in the RedEye), radio host (SportsCenter anchor for ESPN 1000) and television personality, but most importantly, a professional fan.

She stands 5'11 and weighs in at a buck-fifty, but as far as her measurements go, you know, what size bra she wears, that info is top secret, only known by herself and her man, I assume.

Though she hasn't had a peep hole film made of her (yet?) like Erin Andrews, you surely can imagine the debate of which would be the better film to see.

Enjoy the pics.

november twelve(comma) twenty(hyphen)ten

this is a test(comma) do not be alarmed(period) what i(apostrophe)m trying to do is write everything down(comma) to get it all out(period) there will be no punctuation in the following words i write(comma) but like i(apostrophe)ve previously said(comma) nothing but words(period)

it might be hard for you to follow(comma) or you just might be brighter than the average bear and have no problemo at all reading what i fell like typing(period)

anywho(comma) today is november twelve(comma) twenty(hyphen)ten and it is currently four twenty ocho in the afternoon(period) i have a date with a swell gal tonight and hope both parties involved(comma) both she and i(comma) have a splendid good time with one another(period)

it seems we will go throw balls down a wooden lane to knock over some ivory pins to start the night(comma) but not too certain where the adventure will go from there(period)

o(period)k(period)(comma) this is harder than i thought it would be so this post is done(period)

bye(hyphen)bye(period)

I Forgot to Forget: Part 2

this was written March 16, 2010...tonight, i feel an update may be in order.

I told her as she walked down the hall and out of my life how I'd love her always and forever. how she'd never escape my heart and the door to our home would remained unlocked, waiting for her to come back through, no matter when the day was.


Her last suitcase lugged behind her as she told me to get over her and move on. The last words shared in person.


For a lengthy time I didn't want to move on without her, so I didn't. I thought there might have been a chance of her changing her mind, or her heart, and she'd come back home to me. Maybe somewhere still inside her, she'd find the courage to tell her mother, for the first time, she wasn't going to do what she wanted.


But she hasn't changed her mind and she hasn't told her mom to fuck off and, more likely than not, she'll keep thinking and living the way her mom tells her to.


A few months after she left, I felt I was over her so I took a look around. As I assumed, I witnessed nothing to catch my eye. Sure, there were a few girls who grabbed my attention for a few minutes and blah, blah, blah but after talking with them for a bit, I realized they were all talking about shit that meant absolutely nothing to anybody beside themselves.


So now I sit, a little over a year since she left, still thinking about her everything because I have forgotten how to forget. How to forget her most importantly.

The way those dark eyes looked when we kissed with our eyes open, the tone of her voice when she whispered i love you's into my ear in bed, the way she'd bite her bottom lip when surprised, the things we did together at her house, at my house and at OUR house, each and every time we would forgive each other after a fight. 

Except the last one. We didn't forgive each other after the last one.

UPDATE 

Seen a picture of her the other day, she still looks amazing. She was with her new guy. She looks happy. I'm happy for her happiness. And I'm happy for me. Because I started over too. And it feels fucking great! 

Halloween Ideas for the Ladies

Thoughts from Kimberly

I must say that both Boston and I have taken far too much time off of this here little experiment. We both say we're too busy for this. And it makes me want to kick my own ass. Writing is what has always been my release. It was probably hers too. But neither of us write anymore. Wish I knew why.

Some people stay around us to better themselves. To make them feel better about the worthless fucks they really are. The best thing for us to do in a situation like this? Remove every last fucking one and care none what they're gonna think.

I came across the following today, and it really made me see others feel the same as Boston and I once did, maybe still do. (*note: how we once felt about the feelings of others, not each other.) Thanks Kimmy.

what do i really have left

muted self expression ?
love ?
myself ?

after a hard month, year, life time, i seek refuge in the only town i know that can always make me smile. and its ripped away from me, why? because i was on an uncommon street? because people get drunk and lost in iv? because i went out of my way to pick a friend up and offer a ride home? "nice guys finnish last" or maybe never at all. i feel like ive been battered and broken, physically & mentally. my friends were never really my friends. my lovers not my lovers.

and what now im supposto hold on for more? why? so that the few people that still enjoy my company can be comfortable knowing im around. not for me. for them so i dont hurt my family that turned their back on me in the first place. if you were really my friend you would want the best for me, no matter what the was .

im a lost soul. ive been through hell and back. ive lived more chapters than a life time and im 20. and i still try and put other peoples "feelings" before my general well being. so let me know how people that are so outspoken, people that sit on highhorses talking about how they are better, have better hearts, better intensions? how someone can say they have love for you watch you fall so hard without one action not even a wink? its because they dont have courage they dont love enough they dont have passion.

i am a person with courage, courage to win even myself, courage and passion to stand up for the people around me, to take a low blow so they dont have to feel the heat. i am so loving. and when i need a break need a second for YOU to love me, its really just to much to ask. and now im a bad person because im not their to answer your phone calls, seriously?

what if i just cant do it anymore ? what if this hearts loved all it can? what if my body just cant get out of bed anymore? what if i just cant?

we all make mistakes, we all embares ourselvs and fuck up. but theirs a line because if you cant even admit to yourself that you did something wrong...

so yeah im heartbroken, i feel as though i cant express myself. i feel abondoned, i feel broken.

so thanks to the people that see this and really really give a shit .

but thing is idk if i can do this again. idk if i can come back better or stronger. idk if i want to jump of a clif or swolow some pills or sit in a room at my parrents house untill i turn to dust. or if i want to come back and ignore the stupid people and their insults ignore the people that broke my heart. broke my confidence. broke me.

i cant get out of bed. my thoughts are irrational. i cant eat. ive lost weight. im losing hair. im losing faith. the people i need arnt here. the people i need are the people that hurt me. and the people here are the people i didnt know i had.

and thats it .

Who would'a thought that somebody could be as beat up, worn and faded as the guy and gal who started this blog?

Sometimes...

...when i get home from work at 2:50 in the morning, or later, (or is it earlier?) i wish for nothing more than four (4) fried eggs, some corned beef hash, two (2) pieces of wheat bread toast with grape jelly and a tall glass of cold orange juice.

more often than not, my hopes and dreams for a wonderful early breakfast are thrown into the recycling bin like the empty cans of Mountain Dew that reside there.

excuse me...the empty cans of Mountain Dew WHICH reside there. i've been instructed, much to my dismay, one shouldn't use the word "that" in any sentence. there are more powerful, more meaningful words than the word "that" which can be used.

anyway, those great breakfast hopes are deleted from my day for one reason, and one reason only...i'm tired as fuck when i get home and want to do one fo two things when i get here: (1) sleep and (2) shower and sleep.

tonight is a shower and sleep night. talk to ya later.

In the Wrong

For 32-years, I've felt it unacceptable to laugh at the emotions of others. For 32-years, I've stood up and protected the people whose emotions were being laughed at by the douche bags who were laughing. For 32-years, I felt this to be a strong quality of myself.

Last night, those 32-years all slipped away.

I had no reason for the smiles on my face or the jokes spilled from my mouth. But they presented themselves for all to see and hear, if those people knew what my smiles and jokes were about or not.

After I said my jokes and grinned my smiles, I thought about what I was doing. And when I realized what it was, it all stopped.

I've been in the same place as the person who I was making jokes about and smiling over. I've had to accept the fact of loss each time something/someone I cared for, loved or craved was going to be removed, or was removing themselves, from my life. I've told myself each time it was going to be easier than I knew it was actually going to be and each time I've found myself to be a liar.

That's what I was laughing, smiling and joking about...the pain inside somebody else.

Bastard.